Beautiful Alone
by Frostmourne
Summary: Like the changing seasons, our lives undergo transition. But then, even when our lives constatly change, there are just some things in it that will always remain the same. (One-shot DH)


**Title: **Beautiful Alone

**Author: **Frostmourne

**Disclaimer: **As with the other ones, I neither own anyone from Vision of Escaflowne nor the song I'm using here. They belong to their respective owners.

**Author's Note: **This is the first ending song of Weiss Kreuz. I can't sleep and I'm just in a spur of melancholy that just came up. And I suppose it wouldn't leave until I pour it out onto something. The characters are really different here since this is AU. But I hope you'll like it and give me some comments. Anyhow, thanks to those who had always been there for my stories. Thanks a lot. For my writing status, do check out my bio from time to time. Thanks again.

* * *

The wind blew faintly from somewhere behind him, ruffling gently his soft silver tresses, blowing some of them against his scarlet eyes that held so many turbulent emotions as they gazed far below him, down the hill, where mourning people were. 

For a long time he looked, his eyes brimming with tears that he refused to shed. He would not cry, not when he knew his tears would hurt her. And so he'd do his best to choke back the anguish of his soul.

"I can't," he said, his voice almost lost as his restrained tears seemed to mix with it. "I can't."

The black leather covering his hands did not quite protect his delicate skin from the pricks of the thorns of the stem of the single white rose he held firmly. The pain barely registered, even as the blood escaped from the little cuts.

Nothing was more painful than the throbbing grief inside him.

His scarlet eyes regarded the many close people he knew. Some of them were in white, some in black, but together, they mourned for someone they all loved dearly. But even then, their mourning would not surpass his mourning… never would it surpass the bewailing of his being.

Clasping the thorny stem tighter, he turned around, facing the trunk of the cherry blossom tree that had stood behind him for the past time he had spent there, away from the people who had been left behind, just like him.

He raised his gaze up at the branches that seemed to reach out to the sky as if calling out to someone. At that, his chest tightened, the thought of someone crossing his mind. She'd never come back no matter how he'd call out for her.

The thought caused more of the unwanted tears to gather on his eyes and he struggled to keep them at bay. He would not want her to see them. He would not want those tears to hurt her. And with that goal, his blurring eyes that looked at the pink blossoms of the tree before him closed, as if it was the last resort he had to force the tears back.

The pale planes of his beautiful face contorted, showing the unsurpassed pain he felt at that moment. Sympathetically, the wind blew still, whispering so faintly in his ears as if it knew his pain, as if it was trying to comfort him.

Unbidden, salty streaks of liquid traveled down his cheeks. And for the moments that passed, he dared not open his eyes, knowing fully well that more tears would race down from the windows of his suffering soul.

"Dilandau," a soft voice, cracked with pain called to him.

He did not move, not even opened his eyes. "Leave me alone," he whispered hoarsely, his voice full of chocked tears, of pain that cannot be concealed so easily.

Once more the wind blew, trying to dry his tears that wouldn't stop flowing, trying to blow away the pain that refused to be taken away.

"It's time."

Still he did not move, knowing fully well that his older sister was still behind him, waiting for him to come with her down the hill, to say goodbye to the girl he loved more than his life. But minutes passed and he showed no signs of moving at all. At length, he knew by instincts that Celena turned away, ready to walk back.

"I…"

She stopped at his voice, looking back slightly at her pained younger brother, her blue eyes shinning with brimming tears at his pain.

"I remember her perfectly," he whispered. "Before she left… I'll never forget…"

The tears raced down Celena's pale cheeks at his words and she walked back to him, hugging him from behind and crying pitifully at the back of his black coat.

"I'll see her again, right?"

She cried harder, burying her face into her brother's back, not really certain if she was trying to offer him comfort or asking him for that.

"Someday…" He whispered, his eyes still shut tightly.

Minutes went by, salty manifestations of grief cascading down each set of eyes until Dilandau opened his eyes that still reflected the turbulent emotions he had from before. He looked down then, at his right hand that held the white rose he knew would be with her under the heavy earth that she'd return to.

"I'm ready," he said, his voice not quite convincing.

Celena nodded, her almost silver yellow hair rubbing against her brother's back at the act. She pulled away then, squeezing her brother's shoulder for a moment before walking away, her tears still not stopping.

He followed Celena after giving one last look at the tree that seemed to understand his pain.

****

**Toge no aru kotoba dake **

**konno machi wa utsushiteru itsumo **

**meguriau hito ga nagareru **

**shinjitara kuzureso **

**fuandake dakishimeru hibiyo **

**moshimo kokoni anata ga **

**itara hanasanai noni **

**_To every life, there's always an end,_**

**_But I close my eyes, I still see your face; beautiful..._**

**_And I throw a rose as they now lower you down_**

**_But I still believe I'll see you again_**

**_I wait for the day that I can once more hold you tight_**

**_Until then, I can't cry this pain away_**

**_Until then, memories are all I have... _**

-

The crimson of his eyes seemed to darken as if it was bleeding within as the fiber glass casket overflowing with white flowers was lowered beyond his reach to the ground that would take the thin girl with honey-brown hair away from them, away from him.

The wind blew, causing the silvery hair covering his eyes to tousle and reveal shinny eyes of the darkest crimson ever possible as it echoed the darkening misery he felt.

_…for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part…_

He turned away, not being able to restrain the tears that fell. He did not want the tears to hurt her, and so even as the fiber glass casket was yet to be covered with the soil, he walked away, his thoughts and emotions yearning for her… longing for her…

****

**tokeino otoni oikakeraru **

**wasurerukotode kyoo no hi o **

**boku wa ikiteiruyo **

**_How I long for one more kiss, just to hold you once again_**

**_How I long to hear you say "our love's eternal, never will I leave from by_**

**_your side..." _**

-

He stood by the wide desk of his office, gazing at the many picture frames of so many memorable events he spent with the people he loved and the people who loved him back. For a long time, he contemplated, hesitated to pick up a wedding photo of him and his green-eyed love smiling happily, surrounded by their family and friends.

His long and pale fingers brushed lightly on the glass above her face, and he smiled faintly, pain still evident on his face even when it had been years since her death from her illness.

He had loved her ever since he can remember. She had been his playmate when they were very young and even through the rest of their lives, she was always there. They were the best of friends. They were perfect for each other, their every being complementing each other, making a perfect whole. They were the true union of hearts and minds… and souls.

_Dilandau, you crybaby! We're almost seven years old now! You shouldn't cry so much. Come, point out who took your toy and I'll kick him off to the moon!_

_Happy birthday, Dilandau! Oh man, we're growing old. Now we're thirteen! The next time we'll notice that we're having our own families… what? Why are you grinning?! If you're thinking that no one's going to like me, you're so wrong! I'll show you! I'm going to marry and that man would love me forever!_

_We broke up… I… I should have listened to you… I'm sorry for being weak… I'm sorry I didn't listen… please help me pull through, Dilandau…_

_What?! Why were you being rude to my new boyfriend?! It's not like I'm rude to your girlfriend. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you're jealous…_

_What?! Are you playing around, Dilandau?! What do you mean you broke up with her because of me?! I didn't TELL you to break up with your gorgeous girlfriend because she was jealous of me… I mean we're just best friends… it's not like you like me and you'll kiss---_

He smiled at memory of him kissing her. She had been too shocked to push him away then, even to slap him after the kiss. She had just stared at him, her green incredulous eyes wide, her face flushed. 

They had been happy… but now he was left incomplete… she was gone.

For years since her death, he had forced himself to move on. Their children had already grown up, and yet it was still the same. His feelings never changed, his heart remained hers as if she had sealed him forever with the kisses she often gave him then when he made her laugh, when she found him too cute during times he had sulked for more time with her, and when she just wanted to show him that she loved him.

****

**anata tto bokutono sabishisa o **

**kasaneru yoni shite kuchizukeru **

**futariga itameta kizuatoga **

**utsukushii wakare o tsugeru daro **

**_I go my way, I journey on, now 'til forever_**

**_With the memory of our last kiss to keep me going_**

**_And though I am alone again, I shed not a tear_**

**_How beautiful is my loneliness, how great is my pain... _**

-

'I'll never forget… you'll always remain…'

His vision began to blur, like so many times during the past years, when he was alone and could focus more on the lingering memories of her that he couldn't stop the sorrow from overpowering him.

The years that passed, he had walked through it, one painful step after another, his soul restless, looking for its other half, its missing part. His life had been dark and there was only the hope of joining her again that lighted his way, in this long night that was his life without her. He'd meet her again someday, that he knew. After all, death comes to everyone whether they yearned for it or not.

He blinked, trying to clear away the gathering moisture in his eyes.

'I'll never forget…'

Placing the picture back, he decided it was time to go home. He had stayed way past office hours, much like those so many days of the years that passed. He had pretended that the pain was no more for people to stop worrying, and yet, he knew that they knew he never completely got over her death.

Even the skies above seemed to feel his pain and had wanted to show their sympathy. In the darkness of the literal night, the dark clouds gathered, crying for him his tears that would hurt her if it came from his scarlet eyes that used to be shinning with the happiness he felt with her.

The tears of the sky drenched him, as he walked towards his car that he always parked just outside the building.

****

**nayamashi yoru dakega **

**ai no kage shiite iru kitto **

**michi kakeru tsuki o samayo **

**eien ga owattara **

**munashisani tsutsumaru sotto **

**sorani kieru tsubame o tsubasa boku ni attara **

**_As night skies arrive, the heartache begins_**

**_For in every dream, the image of you lingers still_**

**_So I walk alone, sleepless, guided by the moon_**

**_I know I'll give to eternal sleep,_**

**_And when that day comes, I'll never again let you go_**

**_I'll pretend that I'm not about to cry_**

**_I'll pretend that these tears are only rain _**

-

The rain fell continuously even when after he had dried himself up and he had retired to bed. The sound coming from the uncountable droplets descending and hitting its destination filled his ears, almost lulling him to the elusive sleep of the past years, almost taking away the void, the sense of loss within him.

People should move on from tragic events in life. They should fill the space inside, let new emotions take its place. They should. And yet it was always easier said than done. She had been worth his pain, is still worth his pain.

Letting go is such a hard thing to do…

He'd eventually move on completely from her death. But he knew well that he'd still feel the same abyss inside him. No one could ever replace her or even hope to fill the emptiness that her death had caused. There was nothing he could do. There were always wounds that do not heal at all.

For the time that would pass, all he could do was compromise, pretend that he had already turned away from the pain, pretend that he'd already moved on.

His eyes closed, sleep coming easier that night, but still with the dream that she haunted still, nevertheless the emptiness stood out.

It was all just a dream, like it always had been for the years since she had gone.

****

**shizuka na ameni yasashiku nureru **

**nanika o motome sonno kawari **

**boku wa ai o nakusu **

**_As I lie awake at night, listening to this quiet rain_**

**_As I bow my head in prayer, my wish is that this burning emptiness inside_**

**_would heal... _**

-

"Happy birthday," he said softly, placing a white rose on her grave. "Yukari visited the kids today. She and Celena took them to the mall. They'd be here tomorrow, for sure with more stories to tell you. They said they should let us be today."

The grass bent to the whispering of the winds all the while seemingly listening to the words of the attractive silver-haired man as he talked to the person who had long since ceased to live physically.

Uncounted time passed, the clear sky of infinite blue changing into the shades of orange and red as the sun began to set. Still the man stayed there, talking and listening to the wind at times as if it carried the words the person he was visiting would have said if she had been able to talk still.

At length, he stood up from the grass he had been sitting on beside the grave. He smiled, whispering that he'd be back some other day before walking away, his steps becoming heavier the farther he got from the resting place of the girl he loved so much.

'I'm closing my eyes to reality and I suppose you know that. But, love, I'm not going to hurt you… so I'll just pretend that I have completely turned around.'

He walked further, leaving the burial grounds, his chest heavy even after all the years that passed…

****

**anata tto boku tto no kannashimi o **

**itawari auyoni dakishimeru **

**futari ga kizuita omoide ga **

**utsukushii kodoku o egakudaro **

**_I close my eyes, I turn around, and go on my way_**

**_With the dream that somewhere out there, love, you wait for me, too_**

**_And though I am alone again, I shed not a tear_**

**_How beautiful is my loneliness, how great is my pain... _**

_-_

_The orange rays of the disappearing sun shone on them as they sat on a wide picnic cloth under a cherry blossom tree. His back was leaning on the trunk as she sat on his lap, her right shoulder against his chest._

_"Another wonderful day," she whispered, a faint smile on her pale lips as she snuggled deeper into his loving embrace._

_He smiled, looking down at her, his scarlet eyes smiling as well as they met olive eyes. "I promised to make you happy, didn't I? I never was one to break promises."_

_Her smile widened, her eyes looking much like the most stunning emeralds ever discovered. "I know."_

_His arms tightened slightly, his lips touching her forehead in an endearing kiss. "It's good that no one's interrupting us. Family picnics with family and friends are always full of commotion."_

_She laughed. "It's fun that way."_

_"Not when I want to spend as much time as I can with you," he said, his voice having an expression almost like that of a sulking child's._

_She straightened slightly, kissing him on his lips in a chaste kiss. "Crybaby."_

_He gave her an indignant look. "I wasn't crying."_

_"Fine. Sulky then."_

_He didn't reply, just rolled his eyes but smiling when he heard her laughter._

_"You don't change easily, Dilandau."_

_His smile was still in place as the slender fingers of his pallid hand tucked the honey-brown hair covering her eyes slightly behind her ears. "The sun's almost gone, it'd be chilly soon. You're getting cold. We should go home."_

_Her hand reached up to the white skin of his beautiful face, giving him a heavy feeling as the cold temperature of it gave him an idea of what was soon to be. The tips of her cold fingers brushed the silver hair covering his forehead, traveling down his cheeks and resting on his red lips._

_"I love you, Dilandau."_

_Stinging sensation was upon his red eyes then, his chest constricting. "I'm paranoid about you acting like you're saying goodbye. Don't do this," he pleaded against her cold fingers._

_She smiled almost teasingly. "Oh don't be a crybaby… you're eyes are beautiful without tears." She stared directly at his eyes. "I'm glad I shared my life with you… I know I won't be around soon, but I hope you'll remember our vows…"_

_The last rays were almost gone and the cool temperature of the impending nightfall was starting to engulf them._

_"I love you, Dilandau, you know I do."_

_"Don't leave me," he whispered, knowing fully well that his plea was already impossible. She was fast dying and there was nothing the doctors could do._

_"I'll never leave you," she whispered back, her loving smile truthful as she struggled to reach out and kiss him one last time._

_"I love you, Hitomi," he said against her cool lips, hugging her tighter, trying desperately to keep the tears from falling._

_Then, the cool wind of the twilight that just arrived blew against them, chilling his body. He hugged her tighter, his tears falling on her face that owned the most luminous green eyes that had just closed and would never open once again._

_When the others came back, they knew immediately._

_She had gone… gone to the Valley of the Shadows._

…for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part…

He shall always remember…

Always…

****

**anata tto bokutono sabishisa o **

**kasaneru yoni shite kuchizukeru **

**futariga itameta kizuatoga **

**utsukushii wakare o tsugeru daro **

**_I go my way, I journey on, now 'til forever_**

**_With the memory of our last kiss to keep me going_**

**_And though I am alone again, I shed not a tear_**

**_How beautiful is my loneliness, how great is my pain..._******

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End file.
